Your experience was very touching. I think there are a lot of us here who can relate to your story. For the first time in my life...last year to be exact I realized that most of the decisions I made in the "truth" were made by others. Even things that were suggestions and a "matter of conscience" were translated down as law. Me...being of low self-esteem and loathing always did as I was told.
In speaking for myself it was a lot of the little things that made me bitter. Last October during the 2 day assembly, I was talking with a sister I just met during lunch who had lost her baby at 35 weeks. It was a very traumatic expereince for her and we talked at great lengths, with hugs and tears. Completely through lunch. She was showing me pictures of the baby and funeral pictures. She had an album put together that she carried with her. My heart went out to her and I was trying to be a comforting sister to her. I didnt realize that the lunch hour was over. I saw the men and women washing and pulling up the tables, one by one as they got closer and closer. I was trying to hint around that it looks as if they are trying to tell us to get back to our seats, but the sister kept talking and I kept listening with tears in my eyes and a pit in my stomach of sadness for her.
Next thing I know there is a washcloth sloshing up next to my elbows and the sister that was washing the tables never said a word but just kept hitting my elbows with the dirty wash cloth. There was no smile, there was no "excuse me". She just had a look of the 'wicked witch' from the 'Wizard of Oz'. Finally, I guess I got the hint. Me and my hubby packed up our lunch that we did not get to eat and went to our car and drove away for the rest of the day. What love I felt that day. A huge turning point for me.
We stopped off at Hershy Park and visited the chocolate museum and went on a train ride. Kids were all getting Holloween candy and having fun. I thought about all those poor kids back at the hall sitting in chairs all day while these other kids got to be kids. I looked at my son and wanted him to have fun memories but I wanted him to have a good relationship with Jehovah too. The guilt I felt that day was awful, but I survived. I had never done anything so disobediant before. But as I got older I started questioning things instead of just excepting them.
I have tons of other stories leading up to that day and little by little I will finally get to express them through this forum.
Welcome.
